watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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