So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I think my fart just growled at me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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