I will die if light touches me.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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