Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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