Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
