but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
