All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
