Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
