On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
