i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
