I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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