What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
