Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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