I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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