You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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