I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
