You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
