The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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