His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
