Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
