I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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