Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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