My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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