is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
