I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
