i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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