I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
