i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
