Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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