i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
