Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
