two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
