Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
