Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
