Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
