He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
