I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
