This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
