I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
