thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
