the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
