you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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