i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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