I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
whose ass print is on the piano?
whose parrot is this?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
