imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
