im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
