I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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