I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
