you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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