i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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