I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
