I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
