i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
