I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Randomize
