I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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