when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Sorry my hands just texted you
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
