I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
