Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
only you would photoshop your dick
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
