I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
