I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
