I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
organizing the empties. That sober.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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