this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
