Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
