when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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