My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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