I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
