Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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