I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
